Not a fairy tale.

The title of this blog came from a friend telling me "this is not a fairy tale!". In a lot of ways, that is the mindset our world has. And with that, I decided long ago that life isn't a fairy tale and so I let go of a lot of dreams and desires I had. A lot of them related to dating. And now...this blog :)

He'd rag on me for posting this (Mr. anti social networking, haha!) but I am so incredibly thankful for Derrick Hobbs! I've never been treated with such respect and valued so much in my entire life! I feel like I have to share this because my view of dating and relationships had became so twisted in the past due to hearing the world tell me things like the above or "wake up sister, this is real life"....and I have to say that we as a society accept things that are just unacceptable. I could (and probably will before too long) write a few different blogs on dating and relationships with all that God has shown me in the past two years, but for today I just felt lead to share this.... SINGLES: do not settle! You should never date (and especially marry) anyone who doesn't treat you as you're worth, in God's eyes. You're not replaceable. You're not something that can be disposed of. Don't let anyone treat you that way. Male or Female. And you should never settle for what the world says "just is". Like "men will be men" or "that's just how it goes" or "that's how you play the game"... And for Christians, do not date a man/woman who isn't completely 100% in love with our Creator. That all may sound a little too picky in today's society haha But ladies I am here to tell you, guys like that do exist. And men, women like that exist. And when your dating relationship is centered around Christ it looks COMPLETELY different from the world's view of dating. And its a view that I'll never go back on. It's mind blowing how different "we" (today's society) do dating than the way God intended it. I could talk about that subject all night long, and I'm prayerfully considering writing more blogs and reaching out more on the issue, but tonight I have to stress that no, this really isn't a fairy tale. This IS real life. But...I finally chose to not accept the ways the world teaches and to make the standards in "real life", God's standards and not the world's. And in turn, I've gotten to know Derrick Hobbs. I am so incredibly grateful to know him and his heart for our Savior. And to have proof that dating doesn't have to be worldly. And I'm so thankful that I now have this view of dating so I can (hopefully) spare some singles a lot of heart ache. You are priceless. You are loved so much by our Creator that He died for you!! And you shouldn't settle for any man or woman who doesn't see you the way God does, and value and respect you. Not a Christian? Think about it this way, all relationships end in one of two ways. You either get married or you break up. And no one wants to marry someone who is disrespectful and treats you as something that is disposable. And if you are valued and treated with the utmost respect and the relationship doesn't work out, how much heart ache is that going to save each of you? This issue is so heavy on my heart lately. And the message I wanna shout to all singles (Christian or not) is don't accept the unacceptable!

Thoughts from a deer stand...

I went deer hunting yesterday and I can't tell you how much I love love LOVE sitting in the middle of the woods alone waiting and watching. It's four plus hours of quiet time in God's creation. Even if I didn't carry a gun and didn't want to kill a deer, I'd still go hunting! haha. There is nothing else like it. Every time I go I learn something new about my Creator or something new He reveals about me and my life. Yesterday I caught myself singing "How great is our God" in my head and then was overwhelmed at the thought that I don't have to ask God for anything...He already knows my every need. Sounds like a simple, obvious truth. But it's one I tend to forget often. With so much going on in my life right now, I feel almost overwhelmed with all the prayer requests both for my life and for those around me that I lift up in prayer. Sometimes I have SO much to pray for that I don't even know how to pray or what to pray for. It can be exhausting. So when I was singing that and I saw all the birds and squirrels scurrying around it hit me in the face that He knows exactly what we need and WHEN we need it. If He takes care of the birds and the squirrels and even the trees and the plants...how much more will He care for us? :) The reason we pray isn't to tell Him what we need. Or to suggest what we think He should do for us....but instead, we pray because it shows faith. It shows that we are trusting Him, the source from where all good things come. And I can't tell you what that simple truth did in my heart yesterday. I will certainly still be praying for all the many many requests that me and those around me have...but now I can rest more in prayer. Reminded that it isn't (and wasn't ever) up to me and my many words or how many times I bring it to Him or even my actions... But that I take it to my Savior because I'm trusting Him to work it all out for the best for those who love Him. Thankful tonight for a Savior who is restless in His pursuit for me and who's love is endless. 

Hiatus.

I am currently on a hiatus from Facebook. My heart has been super heavy lately, with so much going on in my life. I believe Facebook was taking up too much of my time, so I decided that I needed to part with it for a while. It's been four days and along with way less drama ;) I already have so much more free time! Time I now use to pray. Or to just sit and reflect on God. Or to think. Or just to listen. I have felt the urge to blog lately, but not real sure what to blog about...I have so much running through my heart and my head that I am not sure what I would even say in a post haha But I believe that the more I'm away from Facebook and the more time I have to talk to God and to journal that my blogging will (finally) be back in full swing. I don't want to use my blog to update my life. After all, isn't that what Facebook was for?? haha But I do want to use it to pour my heart out...I learned two years ago that when we are real, open, honest and raw with our lives and our feelings, that it causes our pains and hurts to be used to glorify God. And in turn, they're not wasted. I believe with my whole heart that this is how God wants us to live. Open and honest with each other. And Facebook?? I started feeling like it was a front. That almost everyone on there wanted you to see how great things were and how perfect their lives are. I know better. I'm not saying none of my fb friends were happy and loving life...but I believe most people put on their "everything's fine" face and only show the good. I know I did. And without even meaning to or knowing I was doing it. It's just easier to show how great things are...even when they aren't so great.  And I don't want that to me be. I want people to know me and my heart and not just know me by a picture and my latest status update. I'm not saying I won't return to Facebook, but I want to  try relationships and life without it for a little while. Not trying to make anyone feel bad for having a Facebook, I had mine for seven years! haha And like I said, I may return someday. But this is my personal conviction and I am excited to spend more of my time invested in more important things. So I'm asking those of you that will, to pray for me as I enter into this new season and pray for my blogging too...I want to get my heart open again to be able to share all the things God is doing in there! :) Thank you for taking time to read my posts. I have 13,000 plus views on here and I haven't even been blogging the past year or so! It amazes me the amount of people that care to read what I have to say. I am completely honored and I want everyone to know its all for Him and all about Him! Praying you each have a wonderful weekend. Lots of love! And God bless you all!

God chills.

I've had an absolutely amazing Friday!! Lovely day with Copper and Stone (who didn't have school today and got to spend the whole day w/us!:) and then a super sweet photo shoot after work! (check my IG or my Facebook!) AND....I yet again saw God show up in a mighty way!!!! An answered prayer today at Daddy's doctors appointment! This exact time last year I was dealing with three very important/life altering things in my life. Three things that looked and seemed completely hopeless. Three things that, at the time, were the worst things I had ever faced. I eventually (after what most ppl don't know...extreme anxiety and a few months of depression) laid those things down (only with God's strength and power) and gave them to Him. He took all three of those situations and seriously turned ashes into beauty in a way that I've never seen before!! My heart still tumbles and flutters thinking about His amazingly good works. And last night I went to bed with three more very important/life altering things on my heart. These three things are actually more important to me than those of last year....but oddly enough, I wasn't as fearful. Three new issues that are more scary than anything I've faced before, and I can cling to the work that God did in my life last year. How thankful I am for last year! I've tasted and seen how good He truly is and so last night, I was yet again able to lay it down and just simply rest in His promises and His peace. And this morning I wanted to run and 'pick those worries back up' (so to speak) but I again remembered last year, and it wasn't hard for me to lay them back down and walk in faith today. I'm learning that I may 'LEARN' something, but walking with God is a daily thing. I won't ever have it 'perfected' and He won't be perfected in me, until He comes again. (Philippians1:6) So I'm ok with laying it down daily. Or a million times a day, as I need to some days. Bc I'm reminded of His goodness, His promises, and how he changed my life last year!! :) I won't go into the other two issues that are on my heart tonight, but I will share just as small piece of one of them with you and how God worked and showed up today! :)

Daddy would beat me if he knew I was talking about him on here haha But he has started to get discouraged the last week or two and lost his motivation...he has said stuff about 'giving up' or how 'the doctors can't do anything else for me'....and that I never want to hear coming from anyone, but especially my Daddy. And as his daughter, that has been so very hard to watch and hear him talk about. As I've been praying for this dr appt today and a good report (we won't get results back til next week), I also was praying that God would help motivate my dad again. Help him be positive once again. I've seen it too many times with cancer patients when they loose the motivation to fight and it just takes a turn for the worse. The thought of that has paralyzed me with fear. I have been praying that God would provide that confidence and hope for him... And today at Dad's appointment he ran into an old friend. A guy who he met while he lived out in CALIFORNIA! :) And this man (who is older than my dad) told him all about how he had been fighting his cancer for three years, and how he's had his bad days, and how he's feeling better now than the whole time since he was diagnosed. Whatever else they talked about, Daddy left the drs office completely positive and full of hope for his own situation. Tell me how this man, who my daddy met in California, was there at Daddy's doctors office. At the same time as him today. Fighting cancer. And talking in such a way to motivate my daddy and give him hope. A complete God thing!! And I'm STILL getting God chills over it!! I know I seem to ask for prayers a ton...but its only because I see the power in it. I saw it last year and I'm seeing it every single day as God continues to show up for me when I ask (and of course, even in things I didn't even know I needed to ask for!:) So first, thank you all SO very much for all the prayers for me and my family!!! And second, I want to challenge you to be bold and ask God to show up for you and in your situations!!! He can and He will!! And also, don't be afraid to ask others to join in and be prayer warriors with/for you!!! Love you all!! And thank you again!!! I could never truly express just how thankful I am for my own prayer warrior friends and family.

"He's got this".. God's provision is amazing.

Life is uncertain. Every single detail about it. Every moment comes w the ability for things to change. Good change or bad change. There's a saying "change is the only constant"...in this life, that's how it goes. Change is a constant...But Jesus is MY Constant. And I can look back and see Him in the smallest of details in my life and I'm blown away that "wow God, you were in THAT!?" ....Disappointments, struggles, failures, setbacks.. I can look back at those and SEE how He was in that. It's life changing. It's eye opening. It's refreshing. And when I have a moment where I see that God was in something and how he worked so amazingly in his awesome provision and brought me to something better and something HE himself guided me to...it leaves a smile on my heart. To know that he loves me enough to do that is incredible. But to know he's been doing that my whole life and he won't stop.."He's got this"  has never felt more true. He does have this. All of this. And on days when I feel he has turned his head the other way for a second or feel that he maybe couldn't use "this/that" or wouldn't want to be in the small details of this problem/that decision or whatever....I'm reminded that YES!!!! He DOES want to. And yes, He IS in it!!! I've just got to step back, lay it at His feet and let HIM do what he wants. Even if I have to do it afraid. Afraid of change. Afraid of what's happening. But no longer afraid that he can't take care of it and no longer afraid that He doesn't have MY best in mind. So today I'm doing it afraid. God, take my "this" and do what you want with it! 

From This Day Forward....

http://www.lifechurch.tv/watch/from-this-day-forward/1

I am LOVING this series!!!! I'm on part four and can't wait to finish and then hear the last one! If you're married, single, dating, whatever... WATCH THIS!! It's great stuff!! :)

Let Him have it...

Warning: I've had an extremely emotional day and normally wouldn't post under these conditions but it's heavy and I have to share haha the warning is "this will most likely be an all-over-the-place post!" :)

I've been shown two huge eye opening things today. Both post worthy, but tonight I'm only sharing one.

I've had an insanely difficult time today dealing with the fact that my favorite animal in the entire world has gone missing. My sweet Baby Kitty is nowhere to be found. And this cat is as near and dear to me as a child. I know it may sound silly to those of you who aren't big animal lovers, but this cat came to me in a very "answered prayer" way at a time I really needed her. And I have had that cat since she was two wks old and she has been by my side inseparable since. To find out she had went missing last night tore my heart in two. But I still held out hope that when I came home today she would greet me as she did every single time I pulled in my drive way, by jumping on my hood and trying to climb in my window before I could even get out of my car haha. I've shed tear after tear this evening and in the midst of all this pain (and anger..that's right, I said it. I'm angry) I would remember God's past goodness and just how much He loves me. And you want to know what I did with that tonight?? I got even more angry. ((warning! Raw honesty here!)) Because I just wanted to be upset!!!!! I just wanted to cry and mourn this loss and I didn't want to let that joy in. Can you believe that!? Why!?!?!? It sounds insane.

I fought with this as I cried and cried and couldn't figure out why I wanted to push that joy aside. Then it hit me. I wanted to take a minute, if even a short one, and just be hurt. For some reason if it was over shadowed by that joy ((that was there bc of Jesus living in my heart)) then it meant that my cat didn't mean as much. That the hurt wasn't really that great. That's what I thought at least, as I battled these emotions. But then I was reminded that its ok to be sad. It's ok to cry. And instead of feeling like we have to let all this out and bare it alone, God wants us to take it to Him. He wants us to be honest with Him and tell Him when we are hurting or happy. And yes, even when we are mad. And tonight as I fought back and forth and finally cried out to Him exactly how I was feeling...I was comforted. By a comfort and peace I've fallen in love with this past year or so of my life. Times like tonight when I let Him have it all...and He covers me in His peace and love. So the point of this blog is to say that when you hurt, it's not in vain. God doesn't want those hurts to be belittled. And God doesn't expect us to handle those times on our own. He uses those times and those hurts if we let Him. And if....WHEN..we give the hurt over to Him, He can and does do glorious things with them. He will blow your mind with how He used such darkness and pain. If you're struggling with something tonight, (bc I know that pain is everywhere)..... He does care. It is important. And He wants to pick it up and carry it for you. Carry it and turn it around into something beautiful. Just open up and let Him have it. :)