Soulmates?

Warning: This post is most definitely raw and heartfelt and ALL OVER the place!! haha But its something that I've been struggling with for quite some time now and something I just discussed with some friends so I thought I'd share!! 

I no longer believe in "soulmates". As in, I don't believe that there is just ONE person out there for each of us.

I DO believe that LOVE is a choice. An action. NOT a feeling. And that to be together and make it work...you have to make that choice and live out that action. 

I have always believed that concept about love but I use to believe there was only ONE guy out there for me. One guy who I was just SUPPOSE to be with. And then I thought I found him. Twice. ha! Once as a little girl who had puppy dog love for a guy and once as a young woman who loved with a love I never knew existed. But as I wrestle with the whys and the whats of my past relationships I now know that it isn't my loss. It isn't anything I did wrong. And it isn't anything that I can't deal with. I HAVE learned (through this experience) that when I love...I love with my whole heart. I love with my whole being. Everything in me loves this person. And everything in me wants to make that person happy and work to show that person how I feel and that they matter to me. I have learned that I would never do anything to compromise that love or to hurt that love. And I have learned that THAT is what I want in return. Someone who loves that way. But I have wrestled SO SO much with the thought that there was just this one person for me, for well..my whole life. And it has left me confused and really hurt. And now..now I think that that is the WORLD that I live in, influencing me. Well, I believe in something bigger than the world now. And that is my Savior. And I don't think he always wants me to see things the way the world sees them. Like I think the world just wants to hear "Oh, I found my soulmate! The one who was made just for me!" and all that lovey dovey stuff that sounds, oh so lovely! But in reality..what happens if your "soulmate" marries someone else? Just get a divorce when they find their REAL "soulmate"??? NO way Jose!! My Savior definitely wouldn't say "Ok, you were REALLY suppose to be with him/her..so get out of that marriage and get into this one"....negative. So then that would just leave someone out of a soulmate! haha I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't believe that God looks so much at who you're with as He does at who you are when you're with someone. Like I feel He cares more about you being with someone who TOGETHER you two can bring glory to HIM. Way more than He cares about saying "ok, you go here and be with her" "and you, you have to go there to be with him". I mean, don't get me wrong! I believe that He definitely has a hand in people crossing paths, I mean bc He is ultimately in control of everything...but I really don't think He has just this one person who you just HAVE to be with. After all, He gives us the choice of loving Him right? If He lets something that big be our choice I'm kinda thinking He would let me choose who I want to marry too. haha I could be totally wrong on this. And might even some day change my mind. But for right now, I am learning so much in this 'season' of my life. And I kinda like it. :) 

[[Btw, the definition of soulmate is: "A soulmate is believed by some to be the person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, sex, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility." haha but the term soulmate I'm using is the idea that there really is just ONE soul out there who was specifically made JUST for you and you for him and that's the end of the story haha]]

It's just..(and here's where this conversation came from:) in my last relationship I prayed about it WAY before entering into it. And I got the green light. I also prayed that if God would have us stay together and take our relationship further someday to give me a peace about it. He did. He always did. But what happened? The guy? Well, he took a different path. So does that leave me alone forever? Or does it leave me begging someone to come back to me? I mean, if that "soulmate" stuff is true then I have to, right?? No. Absolutely not. He made the choice to walk away. He made the choice to not love. And then I SO struggled with "but God, you said" or "God showed me this or that"...when in reality God CAN show you things, but its up to US to act, its up to US to love! And I'm not wanting to put down this person bc many of you know him and he is still a dear friend even after everything. However, I am using this story bc its my story. It's what has lead me to this conversation, these views/thoughts, and now, this blog. And now it is what has lead me to believe that love is more than a feeling and more than this "one person". Its a commitment, an action, a decision you make, and a place you never leave.

So instead of praying for my "soulmate"...(as I have, along with most little girls, my whole life) I pray that someday, when God knows I'm ready, that He WILL allow me to cross paths with (not my "soulmate") but someone who loves God above all else. Someone who will not really treat me "like a princess" (again..worldly words:) but like a gift, like something you received and wouldn't want to lose. Bc lets face it, I'm no princess and I definitely don't want to be 'sheltered' hahaha!  (Maranda, Emily and Casey...if you're reading this....movie guy!!!! haha!) And someone who that being in a relationship with him, we can together bring glory to our Savior. And someone that, once we make that decision, will lock the door and never walk away. That, is what I'm waiting for. Not a "knight in shining armor" or a "soulmate". :) 

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