Warning: I've had an extremely emotional day and normally wouldn't post under these conditions but it's heavy and I have to share haha the warning is "this will most likely be an all-over-the-place post!" :)
I've been shown two huge eye opening things today. Both post worthy, but tonight I'm only sharing one.
I've had an insanely difficult time today dealing with the fact that my favorite animal in the entire world has gone missing. My sweet Baby Kitty is nowhere to be found. And this cat is as near and dear to me as a child. I know it may sound silly to those of you who aren't big animal lovers, but this cat came to me in a very "answered prayer" way at a time I really needed her. And I have had that cat since she was two wks old and she has been by my side inseparable since. To find out she had went missing last night tore my heart in two. But I still held out hope that when I came home today she would greet me as she did every single time I pulled in my drive way, by jumping on my hood and trying to climb in my window before I could even get out of my car haha. I've shed tear after tear this evening and in the midst of all this pain (and anger..that's right, I said it. I'm angry) I would remember God's past goodness and just how much He loves me. And you want to know what I did with that tonight?? I got even more angry. ((warning! Raw honesty here!)) Because I just wanted to be upset!!!!! I just wanted to cry and mourn this loss and I didn't want to let that joy in. Can you believe that!? Why!?!?!? It sounds insane.
I fought with this as I cried and cried and couldn't figure out why I wanted to push that joy aside. Then it hit me. I wanted to take a minute, if even a short one, and just be hurt. For some reason if it was over shadowed by that joy ((that was there bc of Jesus living in my heart)) then it meant that my cat didn't mean as much. That the hurt wasn't really that great. That's what I thought at least, as I battled these emotions. But then I was reminded that its ok to be sad. It's ok to cry. And instead of feeling like we have to let all this out and bare it alone, God wants us to take it to Him. He wants us to be honest with Him and tell Him when we are hurting or happy. And yes, even when we are mad. And tonight as I fought back and forth and finally cried out to Him exactly how I was feeling...I was comforted. By a comfort and peace I've fallen in love with this past year or so of my life. Times like tonight when I let Him have it all...and He covers me in His peace and love. So the point of this blog is to say that when you hurt, it's not in vain. God doesn't want those hurts to be belittled. And God doesn't expect us to handle those times on our own. He uses those times and those hurts if we let Him. And if....WHEN..we give the hurt over to Him, He can and does do glorious things with them. He will blow your mind with how He used such darkness and pain. If you're struggling with something tonight, (bc I know that pain is everywhere)..... He does care. It is important. And He wants to pick it up and carry it for you. Carry it and turn it around into something beautiful. Just open up and let Him have it. :)
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