Honesty..

This post was brought on bc of a devotion I read last night...


I have a really really bad habit of wanting to control situations. Wanting to plan. Wanting to know every little tiny detail. And NOT liking change. Ok, HATING change. Somethings I dont mind being spontaneous, but for the most part Im a freak about it. LOL! I have a really hard time just letting things happen. I plan EVERYTHING. Well, I try to. And as we all know, you cant always have/get what you want. Things dont always go the way you 'planned' them to. Over the past couple of months Ive felt God showing me just how BAD I am at trying to do/be something that is impossible. But yet I keep doing it. I write down everything. If I have something to do/get/be (or whatever)..it gets written down. I then proceed to check these things off. Yes, my life is one big check list. lol I can honestly remember doing this in middle school. (if I asked my mom, it was probably earlier! haha!) And I finally admitted to myself last night that this can be a problem. Sometimes its ok to plan. But its def not ok to be a 'planner'...aka: control freak haha (as I am..writting, checking, freaking..lol) And since things dont go as planned always, there comes the CHANGE. Did I mention I HATE CHANGE?? To the point where, at times I'll freak out if things dont go 'as I thought they should/were going to'. BUT God has recently flipped my world upside down. The things I were so sure on a couple of months ago now seem to float somewhere in outter space..way out of my reach/knowledge. But I know, in reality they rest safely in God's hands. In His control. HE knows it all. How wonderful it is that if we follow, trust, and obey...He will make plain our paths. Meaning, He will tell us what is going on!!! lol No need to worry or guess or 'freak out'. HE will give us wisdom!! In this time the things I was sure on have chaged but also the things I wasnt sure on have too. Things like...I CAN fully trust my God. I dont have to just SAY I can. Struggles and trials are meant to test & stretch your faith. Give you a chance to walk the walk & not just talk the talk. AND I also use to think I wasnt a very strong person. I have realized that being 'emotional' and being weak ARENT the same things. I am a very VERY emotional person. BUT I also have became a very strong Christian woman. ((somewhere along the line...haha)) I didnt realize I could be so strong if/when facing certain situations or problems and I must say, (with God on my side of course) Ive been very impressed. haha!! God has helped me stay focued on the things that matter and stay the course. Not giving up. And it feels AMAZING!!!! I also use to be terrified of change and now Im realizing that change is God's plan. He created us to grow as babies and children into adults. He also wants us to change & grow as we become His Children. Growth and change is a continuous process. And change is inevitable. You just have to embrace it and go with it. With God and His wisdom, its not so scary. And sometimes, it turns out to be just what we needed. Something better than we ever 'planned'.