July 22

Not sure there has really been a day so much 'draining' potential. There seems to be so much confusion and darkness in my life..and today wasnt up there on my best days list. Its a day I hoped would pass by w/out thought. Bc 'thinking' only makes things worse. I was dreading this day. Not sure how, with how hard things had been lately, I would make it through this day. Not sounding so much like my normal self. Not the April Im use to. But its the truth. Lately all this spirraling into the unknown has had me worried sick. Terrified. And doubting a bit. I have a wonderful Savior who isnt letting go of me, even when I think I cant hold on a second longer. Life can be so soo difficult at times. Its a scary thing. But today, I woke up and said my usual morning prayers (and prayed for strength & guidance), read my devotion, and spent time in the presence of our Lord. I made my mind up before even stepping foot out of my bed, that I WAS going to be ok. I WAS going to make it through this day. I WAS going to stay strong. Bc, and only bc, of my wonderful Maker. The God of the universe. He is my help, my sheild, my fortress, and..my strength when I am weak. I made that declaration of His goodness, in faith. Trusting, KNOWING, He was going to be here for me. And today God has moved in my heart so much more than He has in all the days of the past 3months. I felt this awesome sense of peace since early on this morning. And on my way to work a song played that I almost turned off..it was a Phil Stacey song that I wasnt extremely fond of (yes, Ive heard it but it wasnt a favorite. I was in the process of turning my FRANCESCA cd on:) But felt lead to listen instead to the words of the song playing. I was blown away. Here are the lyrics:

I am sinking in the river that is raging
I am drowning
Will I ever, rise to breathe again
I wanna know why
I just wanna understand
Will I ever know why?
How could this be from Your hand

When every little thing that I have dreamed would be
just slips away like water through my hands
And when it seems the walls of my beliefs
are crashing down like they’re all made of sand
I won’t, let go of You now
because I know, oh, You’re not shaken

I am trembling in the darkness of my own fear
All the questions with no answers
So grip me while I’m here
And I may never know why

Oh I may not understand
But I will lift up my eyes,
and trust this is Your plan

When every little thing that I have dreamed would be
just slips away like water through my hands

And when it seems the walls of my beliefs
are crashing down like they’re all made of sand
I won’t, let go of You now
because I know, oh, You’re not shaken

When I am in the valley of the shadow of death

You're not shaken, You're not shaken

You're right here beside me and You have never left

Oh, You're not shaken, You're not shaken

When every little thing that I dream of being

just slips away like water through my hands

And when it seems the walls from my beliefs

are crashing down like they're all made of sand

I won't, let go of You now

because I know, oh, You're not shaken

I am trembling in the darkness of my own fear

All the questions with no answers

So grip me while I'm here

And I may never know why

Oh I may not understand

But I will lift up my eyes,

and trust this is Your plan

You're unshaken.

Im not sure any lyrics could best describe my life at the moment. This season that God has brought me to. I normally would bawl my eyes out after having a 'God moment' from being touched by a song..but this morning it was different. A peace, the peace, washed all over me. I could feel it all the way to my core. It was undescribable. I just sat in awe. Surrender. This peace is something I havent really had at all in the past couple of months. And have desperately needed. God has continued to show me through the day in the little things..that He IS here. He IS working. In the littlest things. I am so thankful for such a great & loving God!!!

And today's Bible verse on facebook?

MY LIFE VERSE! :)

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. - Proverbs 3:5-6 - NIV