comfort zones.

i have to say im a very predictable person. i like to have things a certain way and keep them that way. ive written before about being a planner and organizer and thats not just in work or in my room space, like normal ppl, its in every area of my life. i have to 'know' things. how each day is going to go. i plan out my day, my wk, and sometimes even my hour haha. and i usually get uncomfortable when things go differently than planned. and how crazy is that?? God is in charge here, not me. so to expect things to always go my way is absurd. yet i still do. (the last 6months of my life has drastically brought about a change in me. i thank God for that:) also, i write EVERYTHING down. i make lists of to-do's and to-get's and my life seems pretty much perfect when things go by my plans and those lists. haha but when they dont im a lil ashamed to say, i freak out. my anxiety level sky rockets. i also have a 'safety zone' in which i live. things that i just 'dont do'. things that would/do make my anxiety shoot up and therefore making me..uncomfortable. and so i live by these lists, plans and zones..as i have my entire life. (i literally remember making these 'lists' in elementary school lol!) then comes in chad haynes. chad is the exact opposite of me in this aspect. he is a spur of the moment person. loves suprises and last minute plans. and is an absolute adrenaline junkie. yes, a COMPLETE polar opposite there. lol over the past four years ive been pushed outside my 'zones and plans' more by him than anyone else in my LIFE. and i disliked it. it made me insane. i just 'had' to have things a certain way. and heaven forbid he actually make me do something that would cause...gasp...an adrenaline rush. (haha) i would usually end up going w/whatever the moment brought on. (whether it be last minute change of plans or fourwheeling up a mountain and getting stuck and having to wlk down in the dark hehe) but it would leave me feeling all anxious and 'i cant BELIEVE he made me do that' lol well the past 5months of my life i was w/out that. i was w/out my best friend. and i was w/out the 'craziness' and the plan changes. i was w/out the challenges that he would bring me. and i was w/out the insane amount of fun i use to have. yes, this man, pushes me. he makes me do these things that i didnt want to or thought i'd hate and i was realizing that i was missing out on ALL of it while we were apart. every single last minute of it. i had all of these realizations when, while we were apart, THOSE are the very things i wanted to be doing. and not just w/anyone, but w/him! he does push me and challenge me but no one has ever done that before. so i've never had to do it until him. and i am soo thankful that he is like that! there are sooo many many things that i would never have known i enjoyed unless he challenged me to do them!! not only that, he has brought out so much of me that has been hidden for so long! like the side of me that absolutely loves being outdoors! the side that loves fishing and sitting in a tree stand to wait hrs to possibly not see a thing. and the side that loves to get muddy when your flying through the woods on a fourwheeler (i couldnt TELL you how long it had been since i had done that before!!) all of those things i use to do, at some point i just stopped. and now its like im me again. after all those years! and i really have to give thanks to chad haynes (and our wonderful Savior, who brought our paths together!) for this amazing happiness ive refound :) i really wouldnt be who i am now w/out him. and certainly wouldnt be as happy. :) [i love you cch!! ♥]