its almost 11pm and im heading to bed. im so tired i can barely hold my eyes open, yet i dread going to sleep... im completely exhausted. i stay that way anymore. i go to bed fairly early. wayyy earlier than i use to. but lately ive been having some seriously bad..awful dreams. some only last a couple mins but wake me up shaking. others have left me in tears and awake for hours. last friday night i had the worst dream of my entire life. (and my dreams have always been pretty crazy) but it brought up/back sooo many hurtful painful things that (i hadnt realized until now, but) i had supressed from my childhood. things that tore me up when i was younger and then i just pushed really really far inside somewhere not to be touched, seen, dealt with until last wknd. things involving loosing my papaw, my uncle (who was like a grandparent to me), and my little cousin. i havent been able to talk about this dream to anyone (specifically) yet. but i feel like i need to to get some of this off of me. out of me. this dream has haunted me all week. its brought on a couple of panic attacks. and honestly, this dream has lead me to be sort of depressed lately......and thats not me. not at all. anyway, im blogging to get this off my chest some more until im ready to talk about it. and asking for anyone who takes the time to read this to pray for me! i can deal with things, real things, that happen to me. im pretty good at handling things that get thrown at me. and im working on sorting through and dealing w/some things that i obviously didnt when i was younger. but i cant control what i dream and im not sure how to help this really, except prayer! and i KNOW God can stop these dreams! im gonna keep praying and waiting and TRUSTING Him to do it!!!!
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