Honesty....

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" -Philippians4:6-7

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths" -Proverbs3:5-6

Im CLINGING to these two verses!!!!!! God is good, and He WILL provide!!!!!

A little honesty for tonight. To ask for prayer, but mainly because I feel it helps both myself and others to be completely honest and not pretend to be 'perfect' or something Im not. Ive helped and been helped tons by pure honesty and so here we are...Im sharing.

Im going through a growing, trying, testing time right now and Im not handling it so well, in all honesty. But I have an amazing God who reminds me daily of His unending love for me and His greatness!!! And I have the most wonderful, thoughtful, loving boyfriend who helps me when Im down and when I loose sight of the things that matter. And for that I am undescribably thankful!!! But here's a little of how I 'work' and what Im dealing with lately....I get down when things dont go 'as planned' or 'as expected'...in the time that I THOUGHT they would....but I forget that its all God's perfect plan and all on HIS perfect timing, not my own. THEN, I proceed to beat myself up for falling short...for doubting...for not trusting...for stumbling...for sinning...for forgetting that God is God and I am not. So it only makes matters worse. First I doubt or sin...THEN I beat myself up for it. Its been really hard on me lately....example, I will have serious anxiety (which is not trusting, but trying to 'control') then will have semi depression (and angry at myself) bc of my actions/thoughts..BC of the anxiety. Its CRAZY!!

BUT Im reminded that we ARENT perfect...that God will still continue to grow us and mature us in Him up until the time of His return. And because I AM human and not yet in Heaven and Christ hasnt returned...that means that I am not immuned to failing. To sin. To doubt. Or all other earthly things. But its what I do with it that counts though...and tonight I am reminded that Christ is still maturing me and He ISNT giving up on me....and He loves me UNCONDITIONALLY, and I refuse to let this anxiety/sadness/disappointment (in myself) keep me down. I WILL get back up again!!!! And in the process I am clinging to these two verses (along with many more promises of God) that HE is there for me and loving me, even in my failure, but also that I dont have reason to doubt....I just have to work on focusing on HIM, capturing every thought...and He will come through...in HIS WAY & in HIS TIME!!!!!!!!! Ive tasted that peace (as it talks about in phil.4:6-7) and Im ready to have it again!!!!! Tonight, I ask you to help in praying for me in this growing time as I KNOW God is growing my patience and trust (and whatever else that may not be known yet.) And Im proclaiming this new 'stress/anxiety free April' as already into existence, because I know that if I ask for things in line with God's will, it WILL most certainly be done!!!!!!! :)

On the road to a new ME!!