God chills.

I've had an absolutely amazing Friday!! Lovely day with Copper and Stone (who didn't have school today and got to spend the whole day w/us!:) and then a super sweet photo shoot after work! (check my IG or my Facebook!) AND....I yet again saw God show up in a mighty way!!!! An answered prayer today at Daddy's doctors appointment! This exact time last year I was dealing with three very important/life altering things in my life. Three things that looked and seemed completely hopeless. Three things that, at the time, were the worst things I had ever faced. I eventually (after what most ppl don't know...extreme anxiety and a few months of depression) laid those things down (only with God's strength and power) and gave them to Him. He took all three of those situations and seriously turned ashes into beauty in a way that I've never seen before!! My heart still tumbles and flutters thinking about His amazingly good works. And last night I went to bed with three more very important/life altering things on my heart. These three things are actually more important to me than those of last year....but oddly enough, I wasn't as fearful. Three new issues that are more scary than anything I've faced before, and I can cling to the work that God did in my life last year. How thankful I am for last year! I've tasted and seen how good He truly is and so last night, I was yet again able to lay it down and just simply rest in His promises and His peace. And this morning I wanted to run and 'pick those worries back up' (so to speak) but I again remembered last year, and it wasn't hard for me to lay them back down and walk in faith today. I'm learning that I may 'LEARN' something, but walking with God is a daily thing. I won't ever have it 'perfected' and He won't be perfected in me, until He comes again. (Philippians1:6) So I'm ok with laying it down daily. Or a million times a day, as I need to some days. Bc I'm reminded of His goodness, His promises, and how he changed my life last year!! :) I won't go into the other two issues that are on my heart tonight, but I will share just as small piece of one of them with you and how God worked and showed up today! :)

Daddy would beat me if he knew I was talking about him on here haha But he has started to get discouraged the last week or two and lost his motivation...he has said stuff about 'giving up' or how 'the doctors can't do anything else for me'....and that I never want to hear coming from anyone, but especially my Daddy. And as his daughter, that has been so very hard to watch and hear him talk about. As I've been praying for this dr appt today and a good report (we won't get results back til next week), I also was praying that God would help motivate my dad again. Help him be positive once again. I've seen it too many times with cancer patients when they loose the motivation to fight and it just takes a turn for the worse. The thought of that has paralyzed me with fear. I have been praying that God would provide that confidence and hope for him... And today at Dad's appointment he ran into an old friend. A guy who he met while he lived out in CALIFORNIA! :) And this man (who is older than my dad) told him all about how he had been fighting his cancer for three years, and how he's had his bad days, and how he's feeling better now than the whole time since he was diagnosed. Whatever else they talked about, Daddy left the drs office completely positive and full of hope for his own situation. Tell me how this man, who my daddy met in California, was there at Daddy's doctors office. At the same time as him today. Fighting cancer. And talking in such a way to motivate my daddy and give him hope. A complete God thing!! And I'm STILL getting God chills over it!! I know I seem to ask for prayers a ton...but its only because I see the power in it. I saw it last year and I'm seeing it every single day as God continues to show up for me when I ask (and of course, even in things I didn't even know I needed to ask for!:) So first, thank you all SO very much for all the prayers for me and my family!!! And second, I want to challenge you to be bold and ask God to show up for you and in your situations!!! He can and He will!! And also, don't be afraid to ask others to join in and be prayer warriors with/for you!!! Love you all!! And thank you again!!! I could never truly express just how thankful I am for my own prayer warrior friends and family.

"He's got this".. God's provision is amazing.

Life is uncertain. Every single detail about it. Every moment comes w the ability for things to change. Good change or bad change. There's a saying "change is the only constant"...in this life, that's how it goes. Change is a constant...But Jesus is MY Constant. And I can look back and see Him in the smallest of details in my life and I'm blown away that "wow God, you were in THAT!?" ....Disappointments, struggles, failures, setbacks.. I can look back at those and SEE how He was in that. It's life changing. It's eye opening. It's refreshing. And when I have a moment where I see that God was in something and how he worked so amazingly in his awesome provision and brought me to something better and something HE himself guided me to...it leaves a smile on my heart. To know that he loves me enough to do that is incredible. But to know he's been doing that my whole life and he won't stop.."He's got this"  has never felt more true. He does have this. All of this. And on days when I feel he has turned his head the other way for a second or feel that he maybe couldn't use "this/that" or wouldn't want to be in the small details of this problem/that decision or whatever....I'm reminded that YES!!!! He DOES want to. And yes, He IS in it!!! I've just got to step back, lay it at His feet and let HIM do what he wants. Even if I have to do it afraid. Afraid of change. Afraid of what's happening. But no longer afraid that he can't take care of it and no longer afraid that He doesn't have MY best in mind. So today I'm doing it afraid. God, take my "this" and do what you want with it! 

From This Day Forward....

http://www.lifechurch.tv/watch/from-this-day-forward/1

I am LOVING this series!!!! I'm on part four and can't wait to finish and then hear the last one! If you're married, single, dating, whatever... WATCH THIS!! It's great stuff!! :)

Let Him have it...

Warning: I've had an extremely emotional day and normally wouldn't post under these conditions but it's heavy and I have to share haha the warning is "this will most likely be an all-over-the-place post!" :)

I've been shown two huge eye opening things today. Both post worthy, but tonight I'm only sharing one.

I've had an insanely difficult time today dealing with the fact that my favorite animal in the entire world has gone missing. My sweet Baby Kitty is nowhere to be found. And this cat is as near and dear to me as a child. I know it may sound silly to those of you who aren't big animal lovers, but this cat came to me in a very "answered prayer" way at a time I really needed her. And I have had that cat since she was two wks old and she has been by my side inseparable since. To find out she had went missing last night tore my heart in two. But I still held out hope that when I came home today she would greet me as she did every single time I pulled in my drive way, by jumping on my hood and trying to climb in my window before I could even get out of my car haha. I've shed tear after tear this evening and in the midst of all this pain (and anger..that's right, I said it. I'm angry) I would remember God's past goodness and just how much He loves me. And you want to know what I did with that tonight?? I got even more angry. ((warning! Raw honesty here!)) Because I just wanted to be upset!!!!! I just wanted to cry and mourn this loss and I didn't want to let that joy in. Can you believe that!? Why!?!?!? It sounds insane.

I fought with this as I cried and cried and couldn't figure out why I wanted to push that joy aside. Then it hit me. I wanted to take a minute, if even a short one, and just be hurt. For some reason if it was over shadowed by that joy ((that was there bc of Jesus living in my heart)) then it meant that my cat didn't mean as much. That the hurt wasn't really that great. That's what I thought at least, as I battled these emotions. But then I was reminded that its ok to be sad. It's ok to cry. And instead of feeling like we have to let all this out and bare it alone, God wants us to take it to Him. He wants us to be honest with Him and tell Him when we are hurting or happy. And yes, even when we are mad. And tonight as I fought back and forth and finally cried out to Him exactly how I was feeling...I was comforted. By a comfort and peace I've fallen in love with this past year or so of my life. Times like tonight when I let Him have it all...and He covers me in His peace and love. So the point of this blog is to say that when you hurt, it's not in vain. God doesn't want those hurts to be belittled. And God doesn't expect us to handle those times on our own. He uses those times and those hurts if we let Him. And if....WHEN..we give the hurt over to Him, He can and does do glorious things with them. He will blow your mind with how He used such darkness and pain. If you're struggling with something tonight, (bc I know that pain is everywhere)..... He does care. It is important. And He wants to pick it up and carry it for you. Carry it and turn it around into something beautiful. Just open up and let Him have it. :)

FourMonths?!

Hi guys!!!

It has been SO long since I've been in the blogging world and I have missed it terribly!!! So much has changed in the past four months that I wouldn't even know where to start in beginning to tell you! It's also been a very very hectic past four months! But I have a few journal entries that I will be sharing on here soon, so keep checking in!! And hopefully I'll be back to my regular blogging routine soon. Hope everyone has a wonderful Thursday!!

Lots of love,

AW

Soulmates?

Warning: This post is most definitely raw and heartfelt and ALL OVER the place!! haha But its something that I've been struggling with for quite some time now and something I just discussed with some friends so I thought I'd share!! 

I no longer believe in "soulmates". As in, I don't believe that there is just ONE person out there for each of us.

I DO believe that LOVE is a choice. An action. NOT a feeling. And that to be together and make it work...you have to make that choice and live out that action. 

I have always believed that concept about love but I use to believe there was only ONE guy out there for me. One guy who I was just SUPPOSE to be with. And then I thought I found him. Twice. ha! Once as a little girl who had puppy dog love for a guy and once as a young woman who loved with a love I never knew existed. But as I wrestle with the whys and the whats of my past relationships I now know that it isn't my loss. It isn't anything I did wrong. And it isn't anything that I can't deal with. I HAVE learned (through this experience) that when I love...I love with my whole heart. I love with my whole being. Everything in me loves this person. And everything in me wants to make that person happy and work to show that person how I feel and that they matter to me. I have learned that I would never do anything to compromise that love or to hurt that love. And I have learned that THAT is what I want in return. Someone who loves that way. But I have wrestled SO SO much with the thought that there was just this one person for me, for well..my whole life. And it has left me confused and really hurt. And now..now I think that that is the WORLD that I live in, influencing me. Well, I believe in something bigger than the world now. And that is my Savior. And I don't think he always wants me to see things the way the world sees them. Like I think the world just wants to hear "Oh, I found my soulmate! The one who was made just for me!" and all that lovey dovey stuff that sounds, oh so lovely! But in reality..what happens if your "soulmate" marries someone else? Just get a divorce when they find their REAL "soulmate"??? NO way Jose!! My Savior definitely wouldn't say "Ok, you were REALLY suppose to be with him/her..so get out of that marriage and get into this one"....negative. So then that would just leave someone out of a soulmate! haha I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't believe that God looks so much at who you're with as He does at who you are when you're with someone. Like I feel He cares more about you being with someone who TOGETHER you two can bring glory to HIM. Way more than He cares about saying "ok, you go here and be with her" "and you, you have to go there to be with him". I mean, don't get me wrong! I believe that He definitely has a hand in people crossing paths, I mean bc He is ultimately in control of everything...but I really don't think He has just this one person who you just HAVE to be with. After all, He gives us the choice of loving Him right? If He lets something that big be our choice I'm kinda thinking He would let me choose who I want to marry too. haha I could be totally wrong on this. And might even some day change my mind. But for right now, I am learning so much in this 'season' of my life. And I kinda like it. :) 

[[Btw, the definition of soulmate is: "A soulmate is believed by some to be the person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, sex, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility." haha but the term soulmate I'm using is the idea that there really is just ONE soul out there who was specifically made JUST for you and you for him and that's the end of the story haha]]

It's just..(and here's where this conversation came from:) in my last relationship I prayed about it WAY before entering into it. And I got the green light. I also prayed that if God would have us stay together and take our relationship further someday to give me a peace about it. He did. He always did. But what happened? The guy? Well, he took a different path. So does that leave me alone forever? Or does it leave me begging someone to come back to me? I mean, if that "soulmate" stuff is true then I have to, right?? No. Absolutely not. He made the choice to walk away. He made the choice to not love. And then I SO struggled with "but God, you said" or "God showed me this or that"...when in reality God CAN show you things, but its up to US to act, its up to US to love! And I'm not wanting to put down this person bc many of you know him and he is still a dear friend even after everything. However, I am using this story bc its my story. It's what has lead me to this conversation, these views/thoughts, and now, this blog. And now it is what has lead me to believe that love is more than a feeling and more than this "one person". Its a commitment, an action, a decision you make, and a place you never leave.

So instead of praying for my "soulmate"...(as I have, along with most little girls, my whole life) I pray that someday, when God knows I'm ready, that He WILL allow me to cross paths with (not my "soulmate") but someone who loves God above all else. Someone who will not really treat me "like a princess" (again..worldly words:) but like a gift, like something you received and wouldn't want to lose. Bc lets face it, I'm no princess and I definitely don't want to be 'sheltered' hahaha!  (Maranda, Emily and Casey...if you're reading this....movie guy!!!! haha!) And someone who that being in a relationship with him, we can together bring glory to our Savior. And someone that, once we make that decision, will lock the door and never walk away. That, is what I'm waiting for. Not a "knight in shining armor" or a "soulmate". :) 

♥ ♥ ♥

Facebook Repost.

Well, its done :( If you are reading this, great news! I didn't delete you. haha That either means a)you don't speak false rumors about me OR b)you do it secretly and I don't know about it. HA!! I am just saddened. To know that someone could be so two faced and so...mean. Especially someone I thought so highly of. Please, If you don't like me don't act like you do! haha I seriously can say I love each of my facebook friends (ok, there may be a few of you who I've not actually met...haha but yall count though bc I HAVE NOTHING BUT LOVE!!!!) And it KILLS me to see someone being so fake!! If you don't like me then that is your business. I wouldn't mind a reason behind that haha but totally ok with it. ;-P I understand that not everyone is always GOING to like me. But DON'T try to be my best friend just to talk about other people to me (bc I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT!) and DON'T go telling LIES about me to other people. sheeeeesh!! I just HAD to free myself of the drama. Here I am not feeling very nice for deleting a person on facebook! I actually feel terrible about it. BUT, I really believe that my GOD wants me to focus on things that are pure and good and I honestly couldn't get 'passed' a few things that should be just that, in the past, bc of these select few people. Forgive me facebook world. Rant over. :)

Hello Blogger! I'm back! Well, sort of :) I promise to come visit more often at least. haha I have had SUCH a heavy heart lately. LOTS to write about. But tonight I'm sharing a glimpse of my heart. This was my dilemma today. To delete some people from facebook and feel TERRIBLE about it. Or to keep them and keep seeing and hearing nonsense that keeps my past in my present!? I just wish the other people involved knew how they were being talked about. Really saddens my heart. Hate to come back in and ask for prayer first thing haha but if you could pray about this and ALL parties involved that would be GREATLY appreciated. I don't like being hurt and I know the other parties wouldn't either and not only that, the people doing the hurting may not even realize what they're really doing. Pray for them as well. Hope all my bloggin' buddies are doing grrrrreat!!! And I promise to be back SOON! ;) Have a great week!!!! ♥ AW