BY.YOUR.SIDE.

Me and Mike from Tenth Avenue North.

Ok so. Many of you may have heard about the song "By Your Side" and what the song has done for me. I have told about it for the past 2yrs. To almost everyone. haha Bc it was a moment I will never forget. I was broken. Hurting. Torn. Confused. For the first time in my Christian years I was starting to doubt. More than just questions. I was wondering where God was and WHY He was allowing this to happen. I didnt understand and I was, to be honest, mad. I sat in my bathroom floor bawling my eyes out, crying out to God..who seemed to have disappeared over the recent days. And who was starting to become more and more silent. We have a radio in my bathroom and I had turned it on J103. And wasnt listening to the music or any of it at this point, I was just crying and calling out! My face buried in my hands. Then, this song came on. It was the first time I remembered ever hearing it. And the lyrics at the start of the song go like this
"Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away"
Immediately, I looked up in shock over the words that just rang through the speakers. "Why are you crying? Let me lift up your face"...whoa. Wait a minute, whats this song about????
"Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run to where will you run"
I WAS acting as if God wasnt enough. I had become MAD that things didnt go my way..that I had this pain..that I had things/people taken away from me. I was mad. And now these words stab me in the heart. God, IS enough. Why did I forget that? In a moment of pain, that truth had somehow vanished from my heart...and I didnt feel like He was even there anymore.
"Cuz I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you"
At this point, I was speechless. I wasnt even crying anymore...just simply clinging to every word that was being spoken to me in this song. Is He really right here?? By MY side?? Even now? I believed bc my life was so dark that He had forgotten me....I mean, how could He allow all this to happen?? Doesnt He love me?? I use to feel so loved, but not now. Not in this moment. Not when God took something so precious from me. And not when He had seemed to have left me, and staying silent in the days I cried out to Him. How could I be going through THIS if He really is good, always??? But then "please dont fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding You"..was THIS His plan??? And if so, why?? I just didnt 'get it'.
"Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in and give you life
I wanna give you life"
Wow. God, You died FOR ME!!!! You love me enough to come and take on MY sin (both past, present and future!) when You had none! And died a horrible death. BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME! At that very moment God said 'I cared/loved you enough to do THIS...why would you think for a second that I would leave you now?? That this isnt all going to work out for your GOOD" I remember this like it was yesterday. I then preceeded to cry out in thanks!!!! My heart swelled with love. The JOY of the Lord had become my strength. It was one of the best moments in my Chrisitan walk. I finally was GETTING IT.
"'Cause I I love you I want you to know
That I yeah I love you I'll never let you go"
He was there. He was moving. He was holding me. He had ALWAYS loved me, and would NEVER stop. He knew what He was doing. I had just forgotten the truths that I stand on today. And sometimes, He IS silent. And sometimes He does seem gone, but He is far from it. He allows these things to happen to grow our FAITH. And Im sooo glad I heard this song when I did. I may have turned from it...but instead I heard these awesome words. And wow. Never has a song spoken to me so much. It changed how I saw things. It was def a broken time in my life, but bc I chose to keep the faith and hold on to God's promises...He DID use it for my good. Things worked out..according to His plan..in His time. And I grew sooo much from it!!!! I wouldnt take any of it back for a second! And still sooo very grateful that God allowed it to happen. :)


And so, back to the picture. :) Today I got to personally thank this band. Each member of it. (besides Jason, who wasnt there bc his wife recently had a baby:) I got to thank them for allowing God to use them and the gifts He gave them to further His kingdom!! And I shared my story. And they were so humbled. They hugged on me and gave signed my cd adding scripture....and even got to snap a pic w/them. They are truly awesome.