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"In this hour of doubt I see
Who I am is not just me
So give me strength to die myself
So love can live to tell the tale"

-"Garden" by NeedToBreathe

Never ever EVER have any lyrics gotten to me like these. God has shown me a lot in the last couple of months. LOTS more than in all my years as a Christian. But over the past, week I'd say..He has shown me an AMAZING truth...one that I pray to NEVER forget, to never leave THIS PLACE that Im in. This closeness that I have NEVER felt before to my Savior. It is simply amazing. He has shown me that IM no longer of this world. IM no longer JUST me..HE is in me! Ive been struggling with some confusion and hurts and FINALLY came to realize that (and accept and WANT) that the way I see things arent always as they are. The things I think should be or shouldnt be, isnt always right. My life as a Christian until now has been me, living my life, and trying my very best to shine for Him in the process. I thought I knew soo much. But now...now its like I see! Its like I was missing this simple fact. I am no longer just me. I am here for God. For HIS purposes, not for my plans. I cant say Im completely happy with all that is going on in my life, or that I even KNOW what is going on haha BUT I for the first time ever have finally GOTTEN IT. Finally know that the things I want arent always the best thing for His plans. The things I expect to happen at a certain time dont always need to happen then. He leads us where He wants us..where He needs us. Not where we, in the flesh of this world THINK we want to go/be. I firmly believe that those who follow, obey, love God with their all..God gives them all the desires of their hearts. Sometimes if those desires arent His, He will change them..line OUR desires up with HIS. There are things Im wanting and praying about daily. (numerous times a day) But over and above ALL of those things, I now can honestly, peacefully pray for God's perfect Will/Plan above all my thoughts/hearts desires. I KNOW my God is working!!!! I KNOW He is going to move!!!!! Im just here, waiting for the next command!! :)